Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
