My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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