The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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