i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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