I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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