If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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