he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
