I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize