when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
worst night to have a conscience
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
