names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
