my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
