i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
