I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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