i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize