# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
