Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
