apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
