sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
