I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
