Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
