He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
