I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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