you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
