he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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