Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
