So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
