Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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