I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
