We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
