you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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