her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Who died my cat blue again?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
