I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
