There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
