So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize