There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
