It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
