She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
