I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
