try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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