Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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