He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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