Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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