You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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