ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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