You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize