Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
