Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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