are you still at the devil's house?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
