note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
