his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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