I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
