Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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