Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize