To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
