Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
