i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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