i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize