I got chris browned last night
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
