she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When are your genitals available?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
