Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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