My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize