Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
