tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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