And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
