I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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