So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize