i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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