Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
