i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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