Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
please don't ironically join a cult
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