Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
