Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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