How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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