It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
