You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
