Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
