Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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