And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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