Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't turn off my feet"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
