This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
