I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
