you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
