it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
