Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
