his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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