There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize