she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
