Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
