we made out on top of his cat.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
