i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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