my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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