i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
