my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Congratulations! We have a period
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
