Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
