I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
