Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
