I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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