had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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