so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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